by - April 25, 2017

Q: Do you feel like it changed any of your relationships with different people in different ways. Either for the better or for the worse depending on the baseline of the relationship before this?

A: I think it put strain on my relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. I had a very difficult time coping the first year of recovery and I think that was partly because I felt so alone. He couldn't put himself in my place, and I couldn't put myself in his. It was a difficult thing to talk to each other about. I can't imagine what it was like for him to be in his last semester of nursing school and see me in that state. And I don't think he can imagine the pain and discomfort that I went through. It was a really heart wrenching experience and I don't think either of us truly wanted to rehash the details. I ended up with mild PTSD and PICS (post-intensive care syndrome) and was struggling for quite some time. I think I closed myself off in that relationship due to recovery.

My work relationships changed as well. From my perspective it seems like almost everyone I worked with was really involved in my illness, in the sense of visiting me and checking on me. Every one had been supportive. Then, when I returned back to work it was like everything was supposed to go back to normal. But, I had a new normal. I was exhausted, my body was physically aching, I had terrible memory and brain fog, I was very sluggish and I felt like I couldn't keep up. I had a lot of follow up appointments and missed work. I felt like I simply wasn't good enough. It bred insecurities and a lack of confidence in my work. I no longer felt equal to my coworkers and felt like I was a nuisance and inconvenience to my manager. Work had dragged me into such a dark and depressed place I started looking for new jobs several months after returning to work. Not long after that I left and I became much happier with a more relaxed position.

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